Trust is the foundation of every relationship; it must be earned and it can be lost. Trust in a relationship can be easily shattered after one partner cheats or betrays the other partner, leading to their broken sense of safety and confidence. Or simply, when one cannot meet the expectations of the other, trust can also be affected. Gradually, without clear communications, dissatisfaction becomes distrust. Trust can be lost, but hope remains alive, as long as you two are willing to work on it.
But, before we learn how to regain trust, we need to know what trust is as well as how it feels like in a relationship.
- What it is: In a relationship, trust is the commitment and faith both partners can offer.
- How it feels: When trust is built, you will feel secure, safe and comfortable around the other.
So if you feel like you can rely on them, no matter what life throws at you, you have someone to lean on and deal with it together, congratulations, trust in your relationship is strong. But if not, check out these 4 red flags and 9 pro-tips to rebuild the lost trust.
4 Red Flags
There are lots of red flags you can only notice yourself as you know what is normal, what is not. However, these 4 signs are the most common in relationships lacking trust.
- You always want to keep your partner in sight and anxiously cling to them.
- You don’t let yourself grow close to anyone due to fear of getting hurt.
- You are filled with insecurity and uncertainty.
- You doubt their questions and feel like they have something to hide. You even feel the great desire to check their texts or DMs.
1. Have a willingness to fix it
Just as it takes two hands to clap, you can’t fix the problem all by yourself. The reconstruction requires work from both partners, starting with the person who broke the trust showing the other that they have the desire to maintain the relationship by repairing the brokenness. And the other partner needs to let them know that they are willing to forgive and renew connection. So the first step to rebuild trust is to make sure both of you are on board and willing to put in the needed efforts to keep your relationship alive.
2. Give an heartfelt apology
To restart the building process, we need to make sure to give the problem a good closure with a heartfelt apology. The person who broke the trust will need to overcome their ego/defensiveness to avoid aggravating the distress in the relationship. They will need to express their remorse as well as desire to fix the problem by either writing a letter, having multiple conversations or some other genuine ways to express an apology.
3. Learn the lesson
Trust can be rebuilt, but like any other things in life, if it has been broken multiple times, it will never be able to get back to the original state. Hence, it is important to learn from the mistake and make sure the history won’t repeat itself. To avoid causing the other partner the same pain of distrust, you both will need to spend time self-reflecting, gauging your emotional space, and learning a lesson. Find the root of the problem to get rid of it for good. Ask yourself how you felt, and how you are feeling now after what happened.
4. Create new happy memories
The next thing you need is new happy memories together. After the gloomy days, a happy positive experience will help boost energy for any couple. Try doing something new, something positive that can make you laugh, smile and reconnect. These new positive experiences will gradually but firmly establish hope in the relationship and remind you both that you still can have happy interactions.
5. Remember that you can trust people
When your trust is betrayed, it is understandable that you now doubt all of your relationships, romantic and otherwise. But don’t let yourself fall into that negative spiral. Spend time reflecting on other relationships, such as with your family, your friends, coworkers, etc, you will realise that most people want to be nice and trusted.
6. Be direct about what you need
To build a relationship, trust can be considered as bricks while communication is the cement to connect them altogether. You need to be true to yourself when asking for what you need. Be clear and open about it so the other partner can know what is expected to help you feel more supported and secure.
7. Be willing to get vulnerable
There is no shame in being vulnerable. In fact, it holds strength as only it can invite vulnerability and increase intimacy. And those intimate moments are vital to help support and rebuild the broken trust.
8. Rekindle the connection
Although it is hard, try to think of it as an opportunity to rekindle the flame between you two. You can search for a free quiz to learn about each other’s love language and offer what is needed to help the other feel fully loved, secure and support.
9. Look towards the future
To deeply bury the past, you need to face it, solve it and later move on by focusing only on what’s ahead. To make it happen, you two will need to sit down, having an open conversation about the next steps needed for your relationship in future. Discuss both the short-term and long-term goals you want to reach to draw a clear picture of your future together.